We’ve been a “lifestyle” couple now for over 25 years. One thing early on that we had to learn, and by learn, I meant it really created havoc in our world, was to live this “lifestyle” YOUR WAY! As I am 100% Pro-Female Led Relationships, I disagree with about 98% of these “protocol” laden “guides”. So any any alphabet soup that fits, be that BDSM/Ds/FLR, think of it all like a giant buffet bar! Would you let the server behind the bar tell you what you can eat from the buffet? NO!
I have been involved with many groups over the last 25 years. Everything from ClubFem, to the Las Vegas and Washington state circles, and the one thing I find was always someone telling us how we weren’t doing it right. Now I get due to some family and geographic restraints, you might not be able to be as open about who you are. I get that, but I’ll be damned if I ever would let another Domina tell me how I can dress in public! I proudly wear my leather outfits anywhere I go. Same goes for someone telling you that your submissive can’t wear a collar or sign of ownership in public. It is 2025… nobody cares! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that how you manage your submissive that it is wrong. The main thing as a Dominant Female that we need to remember is that we are responsible for the mental and physical well being of the male that has given over his life to you. Now how you do that, is all up to you.
Another thing is thinking that in an FLR, the Mistress does it all. Sorry, no! I choose to let him manage the money and pay the bills. We are not superpowered human beings. We are partners. We make decisions collectively outside of the dungeon. Even at that, I allow him to request outfits for our play time.
Learn to relax, be yourselves and enjoy it! I’d like to say we are naturally born as Female Dominants and Male submissives, but I think we have to find our paths in life through experience. Being a Dominant Female does not mean being a cunt (sorry but is as strong a word as I can muster) to everyone around you, the same as being a male submissive doesn’t mean you are the groveling George McFly! You find that natural level in your relationship. We are formed by every single event in our life. Some of these events have been really tragic such as rape, sexual abuse, abuse as a child, or even tragic losses. All of these mold and carve us into our paths.