Mistress Defined

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So many people that come to me seem to misunderstand what it is to be a Dominant Woman. The traits below are but of many that I embody, and that I hope any submissive in search of a Mistress would find as paramount before entering into a relationship. That relationship may be a session or a lifetime.

ACCEPTANCE…Acceptance of self, what is within yourself, what your wants needs and desires are. Acceptance of your limitations and those of your submissive. The ability to accept another human being for the person they are ,including their short comings, and especially to accept your Own. Accepting what being a Mistress is to the individual and not being ashamed or intimidated by the needs within, but happy in ones mind set.

COMMUNICATION…This is the ability to talk and discuss things. It is an integral part of any relationship, but an absolute necessity within a Mistress, submissive relationship. A Mistress should have the skills to communicate her needs, wants, desires, fears, thoughts, limits, or whatever else comes along. The ability to talk also calls into play the honesty and truthfulness of the Mistress. Once communication is open, it should remain that way, and will do so provided the Mistress does not stop communicating honestly. To not communicate is to endanger yourself and your submissive physically and emotionally.

COMPASSION…The ability to see and at least attempt to understand the emotional aspects of your submissive’s psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things within reality that can affect a submissive physically, emotionally, and mentally. To be able to apply that understanding to the many situations that arise within daily life that may prevent your submissive from serving to the best of his abilities. Using compassion wisely to allow you to aid your submissive, supporting him during times of stress, shows that you are truly a well rounded Mistress. One who realizes that be you a Mistress or be you a submissive,we are all just people. Without compassion you are not a Mistress, only a sadist.

COURTESY…Courtesy is the ability to show proper manners, pleases, and thank you’s. To address someone with a respectful tone of voice. A Mistress should show courtesy to her submissive and other submissives around her. Just because you are a Mistress does not give you the right to be rude or cruel. This includes courtesy to your peers.

GRACE…Elegance in the manner a Mistress presents herself is an important and desirable personality trait that many submissives say they prefer. The way a Mistress carries herself, her style of play, no matter how graphic, should still flow with style and grace. Her actions should not be overly hesitant, stilted, or confused. If this is lacking as an inherent ability, the Mistress should be willing to learn and grow in this area.

DOMINANCE…This is the most important trait in a Mistress. It is the inherent natural ability to lead. To exert control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner. The strength of character which allows you to exert the control necessary in a power exchange relationship. The ability to care for another person’s entire well being.

HONESTY…Honesty is the ability to speak up, to be open and truthful about what you say. A Mistress doesn’t hide her emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas, and thoughts. A Mistress doesn’t tell her submissive what she thinks the submissive wants to hear. Honesty is the basis of trust, without it there is no trust.. And without trust, there is no true relationship. A successful Mistress is an honest one, one who does not lie or attempt to deceive. One who is truthful when she speaks. Most importantly, a Mistress is honest about her level of experience; to lie is to endanger the very life of her submissive.

HUMILITY…Humility is the ability to see yourself as fallible. To see yourself as a person, not just a Mistress. To see that sometimes in reality your needs must be set aside for the better of the relationship. A successful Mistress knows she will make mistakes, that she is not perfect. A successful Mistress is always open to learning new things, and she does not harbor a “I know it all attitude”.. This brings into play “bullying” Bullying is using your status as a Mistress to push around your submissive without any thought for his well being. Bullying is a completely selfish action. A Mistress who consistently bullies Her submissive will turn the submissive away from her and lose the respect of her peers. Bullying shows a lack of humility, and can also mask a poor sense of self-esteem or a possible abusive person using the “lifestyle” to hide her abusive nature.

SELF-RESPECT…A successful Mistress values herself, and respects her own limits. A bully does not thrill a submissive. A solid sense of self-worth is a necessity for a successful Mistress. Lack of such, can cause serious damage to the submissive’s psyche. This, however, does not mean you should act like you are the universe’s gift to Domination.

INTELLIGENCE…Intelligence is the ability to learn the proper way of playing with the toys inherent in the “lifestyle” before using them on another person. The willingness and ability to research and learn about the “lifestyle” itself. The ability to take the time to learn their partner outside the roles of Domination and submission, to learn him as the person that he is, his likes and dislikes. The ability to learn what pleases her submissive and to remember those things. The successful Mistress should take the time to know the physical as well as the psychological tools of Domination, along with some basic psychological aspects of her submissive(knowledge should grow as people change constantly). There is nothing uglier than seeing an ignorant Mistress trying to use humiliation as a tool of dominance. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity, intelligence, and skill.

PATIENCE…A successful Mistress has patience. The ability to wait for things. This does not mean you have to be lax or soft, but to learn the proper time to push and the proper time not to.. It is also the ability to wait for those things which take time to develop and to learn, especially within yourself. To realize that it takes time for a submissive to learn all the intricacies of serving you, and to have the patience to teach your submissive what you prefer.

PRIDE…Pride is the ability to know your capacities, and realize that you are not only a good person, but also a good Mistress. Pride is the ability to recognize your own strengths. This does not mean you should be close-minded to new ideas, nor does it mean you should be unaware of your faults, or keep an inflated ego. Pride in your Dominance is a beautiful thing. Arrogance, or false pride, is deadly. False pride usually masks insecurities which can be life threatening to the submissive..

RESPECT…A successful Mistress will show respect at all times, until such time as the submissive proves he is unworthy of such respect. A disrespectful Mistress does not earn the respect of her peers or the submissives around her. By giving respect to others, you earn it for yourself.

LOYALTY…This is a very important trait in a successful Mistress. It is the ability to uphold your personal honor and remain true to the agreement between you and your submissive should the agreement be one of monogamy, or something else. Fickleness is a very unattractive trait in a Mistress, and dangerous to the emotional well being of the submissive who serves her.

SERVICE…A successful Mistress serves her submissive by and through her domination of him.. By intelligently applying her dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of her submissive, the successful Mistress mutually serves the submissive. A successful Mistress remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a Mistress. For a submissive to submit to You completely is a precious gift.. The successful Mistress will therefore cherish that gift, and do her best to uphold it and not abuse it. This is the key to an exchange of power relationship.